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Journal

Embodied Rituals for Skin + Soul

There is no such thing as a toxic relationship

Katie Gordon

ovid Let's face it...we've all had at least one relationship (and probably a lot more than one) that we've labeled as "toxic", "unhealthy", "codependent", "draining", etc.  It makes us feel better to be able to label it something so that we can push it away, leave it behind, or some how properly deal with it.  We break up with toxic boyfriends/girlfriends, we can move out of codependent family situations, and not hang out with friends that we deem as energetically draining.  But when we simply leave it behind because it doesn't feel good, we fail to grow.  And when we fail to grow, we repeat the SAME patterns OVER AND OVER AGAIN...

So here's a little bit of truth that I've picked up after spending my entire life judging and labeling my relationships...

No one is sent to me by accident.  I have something to learn from everyone I am in relationship with, whether it's a partner, friend, family member, student, boss, or coworker.  If we see that people are all lessons, there's no more need to label good, bad, healthy, unhealthy/toxic, functional, dysfunctional, codependent, etc.  They all serve a purpose.  Our souls call in the people, the teachers, and the lessons we're ready for.

When we call a relationship or a person "toxic", it creates shame and guilt around seeing that relationship as a "mistake."  We judge them and ourselves instead of really seeing the truth about experience as it is.  They're on their path and so are we.  We attract the people for which we need the lesson and the lesson is never "good" or "bad".  It just is.  And it's always necessary.  It's always exactly what we need in that time.  All those lessons, or experiences, whether big or small, fun or not so fun (and let's be honest, not too many of them feel good or fun at the time) make up our life's curriculum.  And what we do with that completely depends on us.

Do you see how none of that is about the other person?  How it's ALL an inside job?  Do you see how we have all the power the moment we decide to stop judging, labeling, and shaming ourselves and others and just start seeing what is?  What's here for us in this very moment?  That it's all so perfect, so divine, that it couldn't possibly be any other way?  Of course this is all a process, it takes practice to not judge and really SEE.  Just be gentle with yourself and watch what happens.