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Journal

Embodied Rituals for Skin + Soul

Filtering by Tag: bone gathering

From Surrender to Transmutation

Katie Gordon

I've been playing with fire. Burning things down. Clearing the space I've been craving so that I'll have the energy, time, bandwidth, and desire to do only what's meaningful, soulful, heartfelt, and necessary. 

What does that mean? 

It means there are about half the number of products in the Apothecary. I chose only the items that I love making, wrapping, and mailing off to you all. The items that bring me JOY to dream up, create, share and talk about. 

It means I'll no longer be doing tarot readings publicly. Yes, I'll still read for friends, myself, and clients who come in for Shamanic Craniosacral Sessions and even some Embodied Yoga Sessions. But I won't be offering one-off tarot readings through my website. 

And...

...it means the Wild Mystic Mentorship has been laid to rest. This was a really difficult decision for me to make. At least it was for my brain. My body and soul had withdrawn their energy from it awhile ago, given me all the signs that I was complete, but my mind couldn't let it go. It said, "There is so much good content here! Just set it up as a self-study course to bring more women into the Wild Mystic Tribe! Why would you NOT keep doing this?"  But one morning last week, I woke up and knew I was ready to let it go. 

What does it feel like when your bodysoul says one thing and your brain says something different?

Tension. Stuckness. Stagnation. Like you're talking yourself in circles. Your heart + gut say one thing and your mind keeps saying, "Yeah, but..."

It feels like banging your head against a wall. An attempt to force something that doesn't work but you don't know why.

Ultimately, it feels like nothing can move forward while you're still staying entangled in a previously woven web that you've outgrown. When I thought about the mentorship itself, it felt like clothes that no longer fit. In the letting-go process, I realized why it can be so scary: we don't know what's next. We're left in that inbetween space of wondering what's coming next. We ask ourselves, "Is anything coming next? What happens if nothing comes? What happens if I'm left with this big empty space and I don't know how to fill it? What if my creativity is gone forever and my connection to Spirit is totally severed and I can never dream up another beautifully sacred, profound space again?" 

So I let myself sit with that for a bit. And I realized something...

That has literally never happened. In my whole life, the Universe has never ever left me hangin'. Well, not for too long anyway. Sometimes we need to hang and be with our Selves long enough to allow the next thing (whatever it happens to be) to bubble up from deep within us.

I don't know yet what that next thing will be. I have some inklings. I've seen some things and had some dreams. So, I know it's coming. And I know whatever comes next will be potent and profound.

So I can surrender.

But this lesson in trusting, waiting, trusting, waiting, and then waiting a little longer and trusting a little more is where the medicine lies for me. Because now comes the gathering of bones, the stirring of the cauldron, integrating, examining, writing, and dancing with the pieces which desire to come through. When I till and tend the fertile soil of my soul and imagination.

I'm in the cocoon. Awaiting the transformation, transmutation, that can be painful and uncomfortable and oh so beautiful.

I have gone a'bone gathering...

Katie Gordon

Dearest souls, I wanted to share a poem with you this week that echoes my own journey, and I imagine the one I share with many of you as well. Especially, the past few weeks, I've been coming back to it a lot as a sort of anthem. If you find Shiloh Sophia's work as inspiring as I do, please check out her website.

Bone Gathering

Returning to one’s self after a long voyage into the desert is the work all beings must do one day. The day will come when the absence of the missing bones and the pieces of your heart that you left on the highway to die after too many mornings waking up alone, in body or spirit or both, will require you to return. For this sacred work, a map for returning will be provided, so you can find the missing persons reports. This map is not in a language you will understand. Are you surprised? With each stop on the quest there may be a sitting-down-hard head-in-hands-wondering-why and even despair you thought you had gone beyond. Grief and wonder are the companions you will find because they are also the way through the hard to see places. Give in to them. You will be okay. I wish I could say it could be easier than this. Hiding, cutting, dismembering ourselves wasn’t so easy, was it? We did it to survive, we thought, and we wrapped up the bloodied limbs and continued on, almost soldier-like in our sacrifice of ourselves. Never mind the blood-loss of not being ourselves. Never mind not even knowing what song belongs to our mouth and what movement our body loves the most. How did we go on this way? All that is done now. No more, we say, and that is how we found ourselves here. This excavation requires specialized tools, if it didn’t bone gathering would have started long before now. Yes I know you have already started. I can see that in your tender eyes. Don’t worry, yes it is scary at first. The tools are intact for excavation and user friendly, you will find they fit your palm just so. The stranger within you knows how to use each one. She was the one yelling at you before, to listen listen listen inside the soul cave, but now that you have listened to her, she will be the one to help you see in the dark. This is the one we call the Muse. Visionary bones are made of stardust and glow in the darkness. Come. You will find them. You have to. I need you to. We need you to find them. I have gone a’ bone gathering and I found this poem here in the wet earth and brought it to you. Dust off the mud and muck and you find words dry enough to light your spark.

-Shiloh Sophia