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Journal

Embodied Rituals for Skin + Soul

Filtering by Tag: health coach

And now for some serious truth-telling

Katie Gordon

A lot of people ask how I began my recovery from my eating disorder(s).  What was it that finally broke through the walls I had built up.  What was the thing that finally helped me to WANT to feed myself.  How did I recover?  People want to hear that it was one particular moment, that the light bulb went off, that I finally realized there was more to life than weight and food, blah blah blah... Here's the truth, and it may surprise some, anger a few, and make total sense to others.

I didn't.  There was no light bulb.  There wasn't a decisive moment when I had had enough.  There were many of those moments, and they would last anywhere from a few days to a couple years.  And then there would be a trigger, an event, a stressful couple months, a major (or minor) shift, and I would be sent spiraling back.  Only each time was a little worse because everyone expected me to be "better", "recovered", "over it".   The shame and guilt over my behaviors, the fact that I was slowly ripping my body apart, was worse than I could bear, and so to alleviate that pain, I'd sink deeper.

story we will never tell

I did a pretty okay job of covering up this intense shame and self-loathing by soaking up all the knowledge I could about health, yoga, meditation, spirituality in general, healing work, bodywork, emotional holding, Ayurveda, herbalism from multiple traditions, Chinese Medicine, how to heal trauma, nutritional theory, shamanism, tarot, anything I could get my hands on.  I learned how to eat really healthy.  I'm now one of the most educated 27 year olds I know, and all that is simply a compensation, a distraction from dealing with the fact that I still had no idea how to nourish my Self.  I couldn't bear the thought of sitting with myself long enough to hear the answers that my soul had for me.

And then for the greatest cover-up of them all, I decided to coach OTHER women with eating disorders, because if I couldn't fix myself, maybe I could fix them and then my own struggle would be justified.  And that's when it all started to crack and crumble.  My soul was speaking to me through the eating disorder, telling me it was time for transformation, for letting go.  My body was beginning to feel the (quite frankly) terrifying effects of years of starving and purging.  Before I could do anything I needed to heal my body and my heart.  To give myself the space, let myself be seen in the most vulnerable way.  Everything about it felt raw, exposed, torn open.  It was time to learn the lesson of asking for what I want and need.

And I did.  And my community has risen up more than I could have ever imagined to offer support, space, guidance, words, and witness.  And no judgment whatsoever.

circle

So here I am now, bearing all my scars, all my shame, my pain, anger, grief, everything I'd been working SO hard to conceal for fear of your judgment.  Now that I have nothing left to hide, I can begin the real work to connect with a deep love for myself not because of my imperfections and battles, but because I Am.  Because all of us have the right to love and be loved simply by being born into this world.  We don't need to earn love.  We ARE love.  And so begins the heroine's journey...

heroine's journey

Punk Rock Medicine

Katie Gordon

My life, my business, my greatest joys, and some of my deepest hurts have been shaped by my love for punk rock and music in general.  Don't get me wrong, I can't PLAY an instrument to save my life.  But the majority of my middle school, high school, and college years were spent either at shows or with my headphones in, music turned WAY up and being carried away by anyone from Johnny Cash, Bad Religion, Against Me!, and The Clash to local OC bands that no one's ever heard of (and probably never will).   I wasn't trying to escape.  It was actually the opposite.  I finally heard something that sounded familiar, that sounded like everything I thought and felt but didn't have the words to express.  It was my medicine. This was the first song that I fell HARD for.  I listened to it over and over and over...I grew up in Orange County, CA, the same place Social Distortion is from, and so I definitely felt some geographic solidarity.  But more than that, I loved the rawness of Mike Ness's words...and voice...and guitar.  And while I realize not everyone appreciates good old fashioned punk rock, the sentiment conveyed by this song in particular rings true for all of us rebel sensitive souls.

It's the "don't tell me what to do" combined with the "sometimes it's all a little (or a lot) too much" attitude.  To me the underlying message of the song is this...Everyone's got some shit in their past they'd rather had never happened.  We carry the stories of our ancestors with us.  Our families pass on beliefs that we may reject.  AND we all have the ability to see it for what it is, say "thanks but I'm done with that", and go on to do something great with the incredible souls and powerful (albeit sometimes painful) lessons we've learned.

For those of us trying to set ourselves apart, to do something different that the world desperately needs, this song is for you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvfhgH3RbzM

Wild Grace

Katie Gordon

Hello friends! Exciting news!  If you skipped ahead to the end, you may have noticed there’s a new web address at the bottom of this post.  This is my new project where I've finally brought all of my work together under one (figurative) roof.  Even though it's still a work in progress, I was too excited to wait to tell you all!  As most of you know, I’ve been training at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition to become a health coach.  I went into this saying to myself, “I couldn’t actually BE a health coach, I just want the nutrition info to pass along to my yoga and bodywork clients.”  Gradually, though, I began to see how I could integrate health coaching into the bodywork, infusing conversations about food with deep healing work to address issues such as disordered eating, distorted body image, and negative patterns associated with nourishing ourselves.

About now you may be asking, “What exactly IS a health coach, and why might I need one?”

To illustrate, a story: I have a dear friend who has been my biggest support through this program.  When I was in the deepest mud and muck, questioning my worth, abilities, and place in the world (you know the little things), she laced up her boots and trudged in after me, grabbed my hand, and helped me find a way out.  In other words, she’s there telling me how much I rock. That’s a health coach.  Not someone who will give you a list of foods to eat and send you on your way, but someone who’s in the trenches with you every step of the way.

So what are you telling yourself you could “never” do?  What’s holding you back from reaching your goals, living your dream life, and fulfilling your deepest desires for yourself?  What do you not dare to say out loud for fear of being unable to accomplish it?

Maybe you’re caught in a cycle of addiction.  Maybe every meal is a battle with yourself because your body is telling you one thing, but your head keeps getting in the way, telling you that you don’t deserve to eat because you haven’t worked out today.  Maybe you’re feeling stuck in a job or a relationship that’s not feeding your soul.  Maybe you want to start your own business but are afraid of taking those first steps.  As a health coach, just like my friend did for me, I’ll be there to pull on my boots (I have some really cute Doc Martens), traipse through the mud, take you by the hand, and find a way out together, all along telling you how much you rock!  Sound good?

If so, let’s set up a free initial consultation to give you the opportunity to talk about your dreams, your goals, and how we can work together to help you heal, grow, and get free.  The best part is that we can work together in person, on the phone,or via Skype, so this is open to EVERYONE!  Email me to set up your free session at kgordon8@gmail.com and let’s get started.  I've you've been following this blog, make your way over to my NEW website/blog and be sure to bookmark it.  This one will eventually link to the new one...as soon as I figure out how to do that.

Much love,

Katie

Health Coach + Bodyworker + Soul Rebel

Founder of Wild Grace